Yes, I'm Unmarried and Over 30, Stop Talking to Me About It
I’m coming to terms with the fact that in the eyes of society, the most exciting thing I can do with my life is get married and/or have a child. I remember when my friend got married right out of college. She was the main topic of all conversations, and as soon as she tied the knot, people lost interest in talking about her. To the peanut gallery, her marriage was the pinnacle of her life at 23.
As a non-fluffy, non-bubbly woman, this is a tough concept for me to grasp. I’m now an over 30, unmarried, a woman, and oh my God, am I tired of people asking me why I'm not married.
To make matters worse, I’m in a committed relationship, so in theory, there is someone to marry and procreate with.
Recently, I decided to stop calling my significant other my boyfriend and started using the word partner because:
1. It sounds more important and serious than the word boyfriend
2. People assume I’m gay and tread lightly as not to say anything offensive or too prying (I live in an area that prides itself on being progressive).
As an entrepreneur, my work is my baby. I could talk about it all damn day. If I had pictures, I’d store them in my wallet and pull them out at parties. It stings that most people would rather talk to me about getting married and/or having a baby.
I know people mean well, but it’s annoying. When I got my LLC created and legally set up, I remember how excited I was. I quickly called a family member and gushed that I had exciting news.
Her: “Oh my God, are you engaged?”
Me: “No, but my business is finally official, plus I have a new client.”
“Oh,” she responded with a very deflated voice. “Maybe you’ll get engaged later.”
I know, love is fascinating. On social media, any post featuring my partner gets way more likes than any post about my business achievements. People who don’t even know me that well will want talk about that “cute guy” who’s featured in my Instagram posts. That's what I get for sharing, damn social media.
But the icing on the cake for being an unmarried 30-year-old woman is all the unsolicited comments I receive.
Here are just a few statements made to me over the years by friends and strangers alike.
You need to hurry up. You’ll end up getting divorced if you wait too long to get married.
What’s wrong with you? He’s not marrying you for a reason.
If you don’t marry him soon, he’ll cheat on you.
And it took Beyonce leaving, for Jay-Z to give her a ring. Do you know when to walk away?
Thank you, peanut gallery.
The truth is, I do want to get married, one day. If marriage were all about the ring, a party and Instagram posts bragging how I’m so worthy because a man put a ring on it, I would probably walk down the aisle tomorrow. I love jewelry, I love a good party and hell, I'm not above a good humble brag on social media. #Blessed!
But that’s not what marriage is about. At least, that’s what they tell me. And I don’t think it should be the crowning achievement of my life.
But here’s what other women and I might not tell you when you ask about our marriage plans.
Maybe I’m not ready to be selfless. I like my money being just that, my money. Maybe I like having a partner in crime but love the freedom to go on a trip and spend a thousand dollars without consulting anyone about it.
Maybe right before you asked me when I’m getting married, my partner and I got into a huge fight about it, and I don’t want to share that with you.
Maybe our finances aren’t in order and we refuse to move forward until we have a strong foundation to weather future storms.
Maybe we have individual goals we want to reach before tying the knot. Maybe our parents got divorced, and that's made us cautious about getting married.
Maybe just because you’re in love and reach a certain age that doesn’t mean you’re ready to get married.
Whatever the reason, please stop asking me or your other 30 and over friends about it. We have enough stress and stupid questions in our lives. I promise, if we’re in the mood, we’ll bring it up. In the meantime, there are millions of other things you can talk to me about.
For one, you’ll never guess what happened with my business today.